I was thinking about how one of the biggest status symbol today is the trendy cell phones that are clipped onto peoples' belts or purses. Since I can't afford one, I'm wearing a garage door opener.
I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
Women should try puting pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have things on the ball but are just too tired to bounce it.
I'm thinking about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it 'Pumping Rust'.
When people see the cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' I just say, 'No, it's for guests!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'The EMS.'
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They are cramming for their finals.
Ever notice that birds of a feather flock together then crap on your car?
The older we get the tougher it gets to lose weight because by then our bodies and our fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The quickest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement for it.
Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." I don't. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Being young may be beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, please keep an arm around my shoulder and the other one over my mouth.
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