Wednesday, August 12, 2015

How to Apply for a Job at Bunnings

A 75-year-old pensioner applied for a job with Bunnings (largest hardware store in Australia) in Burleigh Heads. They hired him, here's why...



NAME:

Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:

Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITON:

Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place – would I?

DESIRED SALARY:

$150,000 a year plus share options and a Julia Gillard style redundancy package.   [Note: Julia Gillard is the Prime Minister and redundancy being dismissed from a job]

If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITON HELD:

Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:

A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30 - 3:30 p.m.  Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate  environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?:

I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job – no!  On my breaks – yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since  sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:

12 Kms

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes. Absolutely.


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